At 3 my parents began arguing
At 4 they got divorced
From 5 I experienced stomach pains
From 6 I exhibited rage
From 7 I got breathless and experienced raised heart rate.
From 8 I felt a constant need to please
From 9 I believed I was odd and unlovable.
From 18 I suffered dizzy spells
From 19 I experienced low mood
From 21 anxiety irritated my stomach
From 22 I was depressed. It verged on Agoraphobia
At 23 I developed IBS
At 24 I experienced severe neck and back pain
At 25 I suffered a hernia. The operation to repair the site left me in worse pain.
At 26 I had a second operation. The pain never left.
At 27 I relived moments from work that included bullying and fear. I got these flashbacks day and night
From 28 I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.
At 30 I suffered a bulging disc in my neck and experienced chronic pain on my right-side manifesting as seized muscles in both shoulders. I also had pins and needles that never left.
From 35 I suffered feelings of confusion and fog, and an aching throughout my whole body. i also suffered an inability to walk for more than an hour.
From 40 I was less tolerant to fear and anxiety.
From 41 I was diagnosed with Glaucoma.
From 42 I was not able to walk for more than 20 minutes.
From 43 my speech began to slur.
From 44 my hips and knees were in constant flare up.
From 45 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
From 47 experienced symptoms like PTSD, leading to erratic and volatile behaviour.
That’s my medical history.
And that’s a major part of my story.
But I am not looking for empathy by writing allthis down. I am not looking for guilt or shame or discomfort. I am not looking for pity.
What would make a difference would be an absence of other’s making assumptions about me.
It’s ok for people to ask. It’s ok for others not to understand my experience. It’s nice when people listen. I could meet five others with the same medical history as me and they would be completely different.
So, we should accept those who cannot live along the ‘norms’ society expects.
Not all of us can work. Not all of us can get married. Not all of us can function within a relationship, even if we find the right person. Not all of us manage social situations. Not all of us can go out at night. Not all of us can smile.
Love us anyway.
Let us be, let us thrive, give us time.